A close friend and honey-baked, ham radio operator intercepted this broadcast from Rome early this morning. Apparently it was delivered by a Cardinal Stephano (Vatican Junior Varsity Squad--pictured below) subbing for His Holiness Pope Francis, who sources report is enjoying a two week “retreat” at Club Med , Paradise Island. My Latin is a bit rusty since Father Monan exiled me from Chestnut Hill back in ’83, but I’ll try my best. Here goes:
To all Parker competitors, officials, spectators, pundits and windbags:
You are about to embark upon the Great Crusade, as you prepare to battle the forces of Evil Elsie for the 12th consecutive year. The eyes of the double gun world are upon you.
Your task will not be an easy one. Your enemy is well trained and with the exception of their wrist- crackling sidelock, is fairly well equipped. They will fight savagely.
Whether you lose by one bird or many, or by some miracle of divine intervention, you eke out a “chip” of victory, we ask our heavenly Father above, that Elsie leaves just enough of you intact, to meet Fox Nation in the field of battle once again, on the sacred grounds of Hidden Hollow on June 4th and 5th.
We bestow upon you the blessings of Almighty God that your journey to Sanford is a safe and expeditious one, and look forward to breaking news from the beachhead as the Challenge unfolds. Godspeed Team Parker!
His Eminence,
Cardinal Stephano Michelangelo Cambria IV
Vatican Junior Varsity Squad
(3-0) ----Roma, Italy
URGENT--Southern Blessing from The Vatican
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