You're right in that the 20 ga. is a good starter gun for kids and ladies but because of the relatively low recoil and light weight of most 20's it is an ideal gun for upland birds and light waterfowl work over decoys and a lot of fun to shoot clays with. Dedicated waterfowlers and turkey hunters will choose the 12 gauge 50:1 over a twenty almost all the time.
As far as home defense goes, a slug or buckshot from a 20 will kill 'em just as dead as a 12 will but some guys just like more power . . . nothing wrong with that I guess.
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