If they could only talk

[Rich Anderson]

While Grouse hunting in Michigans Upper Penniusula recently I commented to my companions that I would love to able to carry on a conversation with the dog even if it was only for 20 min or so. In the case of some of them you do have to wonder what (if anything) goes on between their ears.

If I could talk to them I'd tell them first and formost that I love them unconditionally and will give them the best care thats possible. I would tell them that a bird cover doesn't need to be hunted in a hurry as we have plenty of time so slow down and smell the birds. Please don't chase the Deer, Rabbitts ect it's shows poor taste and you have better breeding than that.

I would ask them to hunt closer than 50yards out as the Grouse/Pheasant you have worked so hard to locate will be gone by the time I hear your beeper collar and get my tired old butt over to you.

When I see the dissapointment in your eyes at being left behind or kenneled after a short hunt it's nothing you did wrong it's just that I care about you and at 13 it's time to take a break even if you have the heart to go on I want to share more time with you and don't want to put you into a situation that I'll regret for the rest of my days.

I'd tell them that I will never hurt them intentionally so relax when I want to trim your toe nails. Its the spastic jerking of your feet that causes the nicks and therefore the yelps and the pain. Relax and enjoy the treat that comes afterward.

My one question for them would be "Why do you eat Poop"? :nono::cuss::eek: It has to taste like Poop and I feed you good quality dog food.

I wonder what they would ask of me? Probably "Have you considered taking any shooting lessons"?

[Bill Murphy]

Rich, if you hunted with a Wirehair, you wouldn't have to ask any of those questions. They hunt close. At least one Wirehair, my Eva, works slow, Wirehairs don't feel pain, so you don't have to worry about toenail clipping or investing in a "collar", because Wirehairs can't feel the shock. Don't worry about the poop, just pick it up daily and they will lose interest. Wirehairs like it at least two days old. I'll send you a bill for my advice.

[Bill Murphy]

Oh, Rich, the shooting lessons. Eva has seen me make some astounding shots so I am way ahead on my apologies. She owes me at least six ridiculous misses before she can have a hissy fit. I just wish she has seen some of the shots I have made on Canadas. I will take her out on some goose hunts this year to show her what I can do with the big tens.

[Gregory Miller]

You have to wonder what dogs think of shoes. He is ready to go, and there I am trying to tie my shoes. His eyes tell the story; are you ready yet?

Then there are those nylabone chew toys. I really do not mean what I say when I step on one in the dark of the night, after he neatly places it for me at the bottom of the stairs. That is if I do not trip over him, as I come down the stairs.

And, he is tolerant of being called all sorts of names. Your dogs all have flowery names. Most of the time I just call ours Mr. Potato Head. Do not recall his true name. He seems perfectly happy with Potato Head.

Then there was the evening that two gentlemen in dark hooded sweatshirts came to the front door. I live in a quiet place, so I did not think much of it when there was a knock on the door late one night. I never will know what the young men with the masks wanted, as faster than I could think he made it from the warm fireplace across the room to the door and was four feet in the air when I caught him by the collar. He seemed very pleased with himself, and a poke around the property found no trace of them. I guess they left.

As to if they could talk. He of course does, it it just stupid me who sometimes does not understand. I guess I could ask my wife.

[Ben Yarian]

soooo much truth in this thread. so much.

[Rich Anderson]

Bill, we scoop dah poop several times each day. Willie who is 10 will wait for a fresh dropping and run in. He even eats his own faster than I can get the shovel:eek: He can find a frozen turd under ten inches of snow:cuss: but he is a wonderfull watch dog and can hear a pin drop from the other end of the house. We will never be surprised by unexpected guests with Wild Willie around.

[Dean Romig]

You guys should read (or re-read) Corey Ford's "A Dialogue For Autumn" where Corey and Cousin Sid along with Corey's setter, Cider and Sid's Bucky were sittin' around the fire, Corey and Sid having a discussion about the niceties and not-so-niceties of upland bird shooting and the idiosyncracies of their dogs. While Corey and Cousin Sid were having this discussion Cider and Bucky were having their own little chat about the shortcomings of their hunters. It is one funny story and showcases Corey's genius in humor.

[Richard Flanders]

I like the "poop" question. A dog runs along and finds every fox and coyote turd and for some reason just has to eat it. Biologically, I just can not see the gain in such behavior. And then of course, they want to come up and lick your face... Ask me sometime what I think of that!

[Fred Preston]

"If only they could talk"; my wife often makes that statement. I just smile at them and we let it go at that.

[Bruce Day]

I'm sure its very different than us.

Theirs is eat, eat, eat, birds, birds, birds, hump, hump, hump, sleep, sleep, sleep.

[Bill Murphy]

Bruce, are you implying that our dogs are missing one out of five of the neccesities of life? They don't give a darn about a shotgun.

[Dean Romig]

Hey, me too . . . but I'd have to add drink, drink, drink to that short list. :rolleyes:

[Greg Baehman]

Ladies and Gentlemen, I'd like to introduce you to Winston. Winston is a squirrel---or at least he thinks he is. Today we were at our cabin in Wisconsin's Forest County grouse hunting, we broke for lunch and Winston grabbed a hamburger bun we inadvertantly had laid out near the grill. While he had the bun in his mouth he dug a hole, dropped the bun in the hole and buried it. What the hell was he thinking?

[Dave Suponski]

Nice to meet you Winston.. Winston you are supposed to wait until the burger is on it...:bigbye:

[Ben Yarian]

What the hell was he thinking?

"later when they aren't looking I will dig this back up and eat it"

[James T. Kucaba]

I lost my last Lab was Zoe to cancer a couple years ago, and in a way she COULD talk ... When I missed a shot on bird, she'd give me the dirtiest look she had ... And if those looks cound kill, I'd have been dead years ago ... When we were at home and Zoe needed to go out, she'd come to wherever I was and poke me with that ice cold nose ... I swear that dog would have died before she made a mess in the house ... I've had a Labradors at my side since I was six years old and I really miss not having one ... But caring for a dog is a commitment that I couldn't honor 100% at the moment, and anything less than 100% just isn't fair to the dog ... If my health keeps improving as it has recently, I'll have another "Loyal Labrador" at my side in a heartbeat.

Jim Kucaba ... AriZOOna Cactus Patch ... Email: JimKucaba@aol.com

[Lee St.Clair]

Mr Baheman....Winstion is waiting for a 'bun' tree to grow...planning for the future....smiles.
Know your sentiment Mr Kucaba....I too had a wonderful lab that succumed to cancer. And if she could have talked...as we moved into a new house next to a 2200 acre marsh she found a 'new' animal of interest...a black and white 1. And I found out tomato juice does not work!!! A few weeks later I found an article.....peroxide and baking soda slur...well...the next spring....same skunk or not? it happened again. At the time we had foster children....and during the peroxide/baking soda bath I had a bit of an emergency to tend to....and the slur was on a bit longer then I intended. If Alex could have talked....she was such a wonderful dog...one of those the likes of I will never have again....she was the only lab with 'highlights' as the peroxide made her closer to a yellow lab then a black!! She was so embarrassed!!
Thank you guys for sharing your stories....I thouroughly enjoy them, and thank you for bringing back fond memories of my Alex.

[George Lander]

Lee: Each dog that comes into our lives is an individual friend that blesses us with unconditional love and faithfulness. The pity is that they are only with us for two score +/_. The memory of each one who has gone on lingers forever. We have been in our home here for 32 years and in our garden is our pet cemetary where all of our old friends now live. Truely there is a Balm in Gilead when Our Maker has chosen to bless us with our four legged friends and companions.

Best Regards, George

[Francis Morin]

Yessir Dean. also one of my favorites of the late Corey Ford's masterful prose. My top two, and I'll also guess yours- "The Road to Tinkhamtown" and "Letter To A Grandson"-- Corey called his Setter "Cider" because he turned on in the Fall- or so I once heard.

Now as to the poop eating- years ago with my Setter bitch she started doing that, my Vet said a bitch was more likely to do that than a dog, as nature consitions her to lick up and clean up afterbirth events- even though Mollie was neutered and never whelped a litter- His solution was simple, and it worked- feed her canned quality dog food laced with canned collards, turnips greens or spinach- something in the composition of those green leafed veggies that made her walk away from a fresh turd in her kennel run like I'd walk away from a Poker Player named "Doc"-- it worked- and it was easy, as I love Southern foods and especially those above named, along with fried Okra-

Of course, those of us with a military background will also know TURD as an Akronym for "Trainee Undergoing Recruit Discipline"-- ah yes--:bigbye:

[Dean Romig]

Right Francis, and "Just A Dog" rips me up inside for all the reasons Corey meant it to - outrage and a deep sadness too.

"Tinkhamtown" is very special to me. I found my own 'Tinkhamtown' back in the fifties and sixties in the Vermont hills and keep going back every fall and I desperately wish to go back there, if only in my dreams in my last hours here on this earth.

[Larry Frey]

The story below was posted by a member of a gun club I frequent. As a dog owner/lover it brought a smile to my face as I'm sure it will to some of our members here. Larry


My hope for this week was Bubba would point his final wild birds. Unfortunately he is worse than I thought and spends as much time falling down as walking. Leading me to question would taking him or leaving him home be more cruel. I did take him a few mornings just because he wanted to go. No way in heck he would ever point anything walking along beside me. Then today he locked up 6’ in front of me. A grouse flushes and I kill it. This is the wildest upland bird known to mankind sitting for a point 6’ from me with two other dogs ranging 50 to 125 yards in front. Bubba’s last grouse. I thanked God for wild places, grouse, cold cloudless days, shotguns, birddogs and the small miracle I just witnessed.

[Francis Morin]

With due credit to Rudyard Kipling and his poem about the bittersweet part of being a dog's master- I have framed the piece by Ben Hur Lampman circa 1926- "Where To Bury A Dog"- believe it was featured in the first issue of Gun Dog magazine 1988??- Also, Dean- I am always moved and outraged when I read Corey Ford's "Just A Dog" happened in the Freedom NH area the year and month I was born Nov. 1941-- and it is still as inexcusable an act, albiet not intentional, today as it was 68 deer seasons ago- "Stops and beaters oft unseen, lurk behind some leafy screen- calm and steady always be and never shoot where you can't see" and both these articles were written well before the Blaze Orange safety clothing and headgear became the Law of the Land-

Dick Cheney must have been of the Sherwood Coggins school of careless gun handling- and the real keynote to such a tragic demise of Man's best friend- was that Mr. Coggins actual been shooting at a deer, he just might as well have missed- but a fine bird dog, or for that matter, a street Heinz 57 mutt- still the same- and when a gun goes off like that, it never misses the target--

It is a credit to Corey Ford that he kept on with his fine dogs, shotguns and coverts, and kept his writing skills honed- hard to decide between his "Lower Forty" and Robert Ruark's "The Old Man and The Boy" back the the 1950's with Field and Stream--A Rolls Royce or a Bentley--here's hoping the birds hold for you and that your "Tinkhamtown" never becomes besoiled by bikers or the quad running six-pack outlaws--:rolleyes:

[Bill Murphy]

Larry, odd that you would post a story and picture about "the last point". Several years ago, Linda and I were visiting her brother in Georgia, walked with her last Springer, 14 year old Doser, the long path for the newspaper one morning. On a whim, she carried the camera. The road that runs past the driveway is a dam confining a large pond that is the border of her brother's property. The pond is home to a flock of rather tame mallards and some odd ducks. Doser spotted one of the ducks at the shoreline, didn't wait for the command to fetch, and went in after the duck. At 14, he swam across the entire pond, the duck switched directions and came back to where he started. My first thought was to start digging Doser's grave, but he was no worse for wear. That was his last live retrieve. Yes, we got suitable photographs of the event.

[Dean Romig]

Their bodies give out long before their hearts and minds do . . . and yes, I know I'm talking about dogs.

[Bill Murphy]

Yup, the body declines before the desire to hunt. Thanks, Dean.

[Rich Anderson]

Gunner is at that stage in his all to short duration here with me where he has the heart of a pup but the stamina of the older dog that he really is. At 13 he can go for short hunts of an hour or two. He is hard of hearing now and the beeper collar helps to keep track of him.

He has earned his couch time but try to tell him that especially if I head down to the man cave and start rummageing in the safe. He sees a gun and his tail (whats there anyway) starts wagging and he gets all excited. Irregardless of if he can go out for two hours or two minutes I hope he is here for a long time as I like to have his head on my lap and scratch his ears.

If they could talk I'd explain the difference between getting a rifle and shotgun from the safe and the difference of going out for clays and hunting. This would avoid the sad look in their faces when they can't go with me and be less traumatic in trying to get out of the house.