How do I begin?….
Where do I start and when does this emptiness stop?
Gracie had been exhibiting signs that something may be not quite right back in September sometime. So I took her to the vet I’ve been using for well over twenty years… but they found nothing wrong and maybe a change of diet would help… but I hunted with her all through October and early November with only a couple of unusual episodes. I thought maybe for her age (9 years 5 mos.) I might be hunting her too hard, but my grouse and woodcock self-imposed season’s end was here and she could relax and take it easy.
In late December the episodes became more frequent and lasted hours like she was in pain but even more complex tgan just that.
So on Christmas Eve Day I rushed her to the emergency 24/7 vetrinary hospital where they ran indepth tests for 3+ hours and the diagnosis was the worst… she had late stage terminal spleen cancer that also involved almost half of her liver.
I brought her home with me and administered the pain med and the herbal oriental med to reduce the internal bleeding from the very vascular tumor. But she kept going downhill and even though she still thought she was a puppy and wanted to play and snoop around in the yard I knew I had a duty to perform and that was to bring her on her last ride in my truck to the vet to put her down… and on January 23, 2024 I did just that.
These pics were taken that morning - once in the yard while I was trying to get her to come and get in the truck (but she had found some mouse tunnels under the snow…
The other pic is at the vet just before the lethal injection. I truly didn’t deserve the trust in me she was giving at that moment.
Gracie helped me cope with the devastating loss of my dear Kathy by always being a distraction that I couldn’t ignore. She always wanted to play; to run; to give and receive affection; to need brushing and bathing and feeding and watering; to go for rides to explore new places and people and just have fun. She took Kathy’s place beside me on my bed and was there when I reached out in the dark to touch her and rumple her ear.
Gracie got me through those worst initial months.
My house is empty… just a big echo chamber now.
My memories don’t make a sound, but I do…
.